20 Lessons You Need to Learn If You Want To Control Your Own Destiny

Who do you blame for you not having the life that you want?  Is it your spouse's fault because they're not supportive enough? Is it your boss' fault because she hasn't recognized your brilliance and promoted you up to the corner office yet? Or you are blaming your parents because they're the reason you're here, so everything that's gone wrong for you had to have started with them, right? If you are honest with yourself you already know the answers to these questions. And you know that the only person to blame for your life not living up to your expectations is you.

However you arrived at this current point in your life, whether it's due to a lack of knowledge of how to take control of your life or simple laziness on your part, I'm going to show you that you have the capabilities to gain control of your life and change your destiny. These are the 20 lessons I've learn from my own journey of self discovery as well as working with clients and studying the words of great thinkers like Napoleon Hill, Brian Tracy, and Zig Ziglar to name a few.  

1) You were born to win

Do you truly believe you were sent here to fail? I know some people believe that they are destine to fail or that they are born losers but nothing can be further from the truth. The fact that you are here means you've already beaten the odds. You are already a winner! Now take the attitude of a winner and apply it to all aspects of your life. The universe wants you to succeed. If you shift your thinking to a more positive outlook and start acting like a winner today, I can guarantee that you will notice changes in your life in the very near future.

2) It is your fears that make you a victim

Imagine living without fear, what would you accomplish? Would you start that business you've always dreamed about? Would you travel the world? Or maybe write that novel you've always wanted to? Just imagine how much better your life could be if you could stop being afraid. Fear isn't inherently bad.  Fear is a biological trait that has kept the human race alive for centuries. But when fear stops us from doing things outside of our comfort zone then fear becomes the enemy. Don't let your fears win.

3) Your life is mirror that reflects your choices

This is a hard lesson for many to learn but your life is a reflection of the choices you have made.  The dead end job you have, the loveless marriage, the distant relationship you have with your children are all results of choices you have made throughout your life. So in essence, the life that you hate is the one that you created. You can leave that job you despise. You can get a divorce and seek out a more nuturing and loving relationship. You can repair the relationship with your children.  No, these may not be the easiest things to do but if you want a better life then you will have to make these kind of changes. Once you begin to make better choices you will begin to see an improvement in your life. Start today!

4) You have the power to govern your own universe

Yes you do! If you find that statement hard to believe it's likely do to the fact that we are constantly fed a diet of "You can't do that!" or "That's impossible". This begins when we are little and continues everyday until the day we die. We are taught to conform to the norms of our society; go to school, get a job with a decent salary and benefits, avoid risk at all cost. But the truth is we are capable of much more. You literally have the power to create the life that you want simply by first conceiving it in your mind and then taking actions to achieving it. Of course there will be challenges and they may be severe but please keep in my that no other creature on the Earth has the ability to change it's circumstances so drastically as you do.

5) Your thoughts control your destiny

Man is what he thinks. Whatever thoughts you consistently think -positive or negative- will manifest in your life.  Studies done on patients suffering from a wide array of ailments show that the ones who had a positive outlook faired better than those that didn't. This shows evidence of a mind-body connection. This same  mind-body connection can be used to change the circumstances of your life. The key is consistency. A few days of positive thinking can't change a life time of negative thinking. You must commit to a total mind makeover and to banishing all negative thoughts.

6) You have to refuse to be broken

You may be beaten but you can never be broken–unless you choose to be! Winning or losing is sometimes out of your hands. You may lose out to someone who is more skilled than you or better prepared than you. You may lose to someone else because of some random act that shifts the odds in their favor. But if you refuse to let the temporary setback keep you from continuing working towards your ultimate goals then you never really lose.

7) Don't deny who you are just to be accepted by people

You are who you are and if someone doesn't like that then that's their business–and their loss! Society often demands conformity from us. If you don't conform to what everybody thinks is "normal" then often times you are viewed as being bad and are treated as an outcast. But as individuals with unique experiences and circumstances, "normal" is different for everyone. Denying who and what you are is one surefire way to failure.

8) Shed your limitations you don't need them

Up until 1956 it was universally accepted that human beings could not run a mile in under 4 minutes. And then Roger Bannister came along and shattered that belief by doing the "impossible". Since then 1,156 men have gone on to do the impossible. Whether you realize it or not many of the limits you believe you have are based on what society at large believes is possible and what is impossible. We tend to learn from others what to think, what to expect, and what cannot be done. From the time you were an infant you started being told what you can't do. Over the years you have been conditioned to believe that if enough people tell you something can't be done then that should be accepted as truth. Few people ever challenge these beliefs.  The ones that do, like Roger Bannister, have the potential to change history forever.

9) Swim out to meet your ship

Don't wait for opportunities to find you, go out and make your own opportunities. Too many people believe that they simply need to be in the right place at the right time for success to happen to them. Others believe that if they know the right people then that will eventually lead to success for themselves. Still others believe all they need do is pray for the life that they want and then just sit back and wait for God to deliver it to them. While these people are all waiting around, successful people are doing whatever it takes to manifest success for themselves. Their actions set them apart from the rest of the world. You want to go places in your life? Then don't simply wait on the sidelines for your ship to come in. Jump in, swim out to the ship, get onboard and get behind the wheel. Then steer your ship to your destiny.

10) Walk away from the herd

Sheep follow a herd mentality. They huddle together, travel together, and never stray too far from each other.  They do this as a form of protection against predators. There's safety in the numbers.  The lone sheep that strays away from the herd becomes a target for hungry predators. Humans aren't suppose to act like sheep but in many ways we do just that. We've been conditioned to have the herd mentality when it comes to stepping outside of our comfort zones. The herd mentality leads many people to lead unfulfilled lives because they're too afraid to step away from the crowd.  You can't stand out if you're blending in with the crowd.

11) You are a giant, live like one

Most people live small lives. They try to make it through their lives without making any really big mistakes. But in choosing to live like this, many people often miss out on opportunities to live their lives on a grander scale. They try to make decisions that will minimize their risk of failure. You should try to act and move like a giant. Be bigger than your problems. Step over obstacles–or through them! Be a force of nature that can be seen from miles away. Your ability to think big and to make bold moves will set you apart from the rest.

12) You are a child of God

Whether you call him God, your Higher Power, The Universe or something else, there is some external force responsible for you being here and that force wants only the best for you .  We were created to live out a purpose on this earth and it's meant for us to be successful in this purpose. If you believe in your purpose and dedicate yourself to it, then the forces of this universe will align themselves to help you succeed. Believe in this and there will be nothing that life can throw at you that will be able to stop you.

13) Tell life what you want from it

Most people never make the choice to be successful, they allow life to push and pull them in whatever direction it chooses. This is usually how people set out on a certain path and in a few years later wake up and find themselves doing something completely different.

Picture this: what would happen if you had a boat with no motors or paddles and you put this boat in the river and then got in it? You would be at the mercy of the river current. The river would decide which direction you went in, how fast you moved, and where you would eventually end up. This is how most people live their lives, at the mercy of something else.  If, however, they made a conscious choice on how they wanted to live and communicated that choice to the universe they could be on that river in a power speedboat. They would be capable of deciding where they were going and how fast they wanted to get there.

14) If you find yourself at the end of your rope, tie a knot and hold on

Sometimes your goals seems so far away and your obstacles seems so much bigger than you.  Sometimes it seems like the universe itself is conspiring against you.  Sometimes it seems like giving up and settling for less than what you want out of life is the smartest thing to do. But I promise you if you just hold on a little longer and keep pushing towards your goals you will eventually win.  Because this is an absolute truth: you can't be beaten if you never give up.

15) Don't listen to negative people

Negativity is like a disease. A highly contagious one. Allow negative people to consistently be around you and soon you will adopt their beliefs as your own. Our beliefs, negative or positive, shape our thoughts. Negative beliefs lead to negative thinking which lead to negative results. And negative results will reinforce our negative beliefs which keeps the cycle going. Avoid the downward spiral of diminishing results in your life. Keep negative people away from you and surround yourself with positivity.

16) Turn your obstacles into your opportunities

You are going to encounter obstacles in your life. To be successful you're going to have to learn to deal with them.  One method you can employ is to see every obstacle as an opportunity. Not having a large amount of money to invest in a startup gives you the opportunity to learn how to be more efficient with your budget so you can compete in your niche.  Being told "no, you can't get my business" gives you the opportunity to refine your sales pitch so it resonates better with future customers.  Remember, "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" 

17) Don't volunteer to be a victim

"Rich people have all the power. Regular people don't have a chance to get ahead." " I don't know how to…"  "I'm just like everybody else. I'm not special."  Have you ever made similar statements to yourself or others? If you have then you have just made yourself a victim. As long as you are victim you will never be the victor. Successful people don't accept circumstances that don't favor them.  They figure out ways to change their situations for the better. They believe in themselves, in their abilities, and in the fact that they deserve the best that life has to offer. And they take actions to make it happen for themselves.   

18) Reject mediocrity

Get out of the habit of accepting mediocrity in your life. In this life, you get what you settle for. Most people are acceping of a dead end 9-5 job instead of a career built around their passions. Most people accept a string of bad or failed relationships instead of holding out for the one person that truly matches their personality.  If you don't demand the best of what life has to offer, you will continue to get what every one else has.

19) Persistence + Faith= Success

How to be successful doesn't have to be some big mystery. It doesn't have to be complicated either. Be persistent in your activities, have faith in your abilities, and you will get the outcome you desire.  Yes I know, it's easier said than done–it always is.  Yes, there will be challenges and obstacles. And it never happens overnight, but success will come to you by following this formula. 

20) Be yourself, always

How can you expect to master your destiny if it isn't truly your destiny? This is your life, no one else's. Attempting to be something that you're not will lead to misery and erosion of your self esteem.  I've said it many times in this post, we were sent here to be happy. Happiness, true happiness, comes from being at peace with ourselves and our surroundings. Given the limited time we have to spend on this planet, why waste any of it being something other than who you truly are?

There is no such thing as a perfect life but there is such a thing as the "best possible" life you could live. This best case senario life only comes to those who plan for it and who go out and work for it. People who sit back and are simply reactive to their lives are doomed to suffer a small life filled with mediocrity.  For those people that step up and take the steering wheel and point their lives in the direction that they want to go, greatness is waiting for them.

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Dakim Duncan

Business Coach at Work Your Passion Coaching
Dakim Duncan, the owner of Work Your Passion Coaching, helps small business entrepreneurs in any stage of their business development. From corporate burnouts that are ready to leave cubicle life and start their own business to seasoned business owners that have grown their current business to certain point and now need help taking it to the next level. Dakim is on mission to help as many entrepreneurs as possible to step into their greatness and create extraordinary businesses.

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